The hills are alive with the sound of music.

It is easy to be nice, even to an enemy - from lack of character
(Dag Hammarskjold)

 There's a fine line between being nice and being a pushover. Unfortunately, I've unknowingly crossed that line - becoming too nice to a point where people have used that to their advantage. For years I've been taken in and used as a way to boost one's self-esteem. Once they've gotten the boost they've needed, I'm pushed back to the place where they found me, and I'm left alone while I see them running off into some distant picturesque view that's all sunny with flowers and hills that are alive with the sound of music. It's created a massive annoyance that leaves me drained at the end of the day - emotionally and physically. I refuse to be stepped on any more. I refuse to be treated with such little respect, and I refuse to let my heart be ridiculed over and over again.

     I want to be selfish, I want to be mean, I want to do whatever it takes for me to attain the happiness that I've been desperately in search for, or at least some sort of contentment that measures up to the slightest form of happiness. I don't want the feelings of others to constantly jeopardise my decisions. And for once, I don't want to take care of anyone. Well, for now at least. It's not my job, and I have to get that into my thick skull.

   I'm angry. I refuse to let myself be sad. No, not this time.