It's been a long time since I've posted something. School and work has taken up a big chunk of my time, and it's left me exhausted, but I crave it. I love how I can lay in bed at the end of the day and know that I did something you know? I love how I can lay in bed and not feel like my time was wasted.
Saying that I'm a bit overdue, would be a total understatement, but I haven't had the time to properly reflect the year I had in 2011. It was for the most part, the most 'happening' years I've experienced in a long time, but most definitely a year where I grew up tremendously. And it all stemmed from a heartbreak of a first love. Ah, first loves, how they have that unexplainable control over you.
I met someone, it started off as simple as that. I guess I could say that at the young age of 18, I finally started living. Cigarettes, booze, life after midnight, LEPAKING. You meant a lot to me, and well, you still do. I can never phantom the thought of forgetting you completely. For months I found it difficult to even imagine myself being with someone else, let alone settling into the comfort of being alone. I dated around but they never had the same impact you managed to instil in me, and for months I felt like with the loss of you, I lost something in me. I lost all the thrill I ever had when I was with you, and I was bored - bored with people, bored with school, bored with everything surrounding me. And then you walked back into my life and the comfort of your shoulder brushing against mine, and your scent - the only scent, besides my Mom, that I remember - made me feel safe again. It was like your presence alone managed to make me feel like I found you again and I never wanted to lose you again. A second shot was given, and things were different, but laziness got in the way and you got into your old habits and things turned sour. I learnt a lot more, the second time around. The amount of strength that lay within me was never fully realized till the day I decided to walk away from you.
And while all of this was happening, I managed to live a little more than usual. Saying I had an amazing year would be me lying to myself. Saying I had a terrible year would be yet another lie. But saying that I survived, would be the appropriate explanation.
