I took a day off yesterday - a really long day, where I lay in bed, and refused to get up. I turned off my phone and I just slept. I slept the whole day away, in darkness, and ignored everyone. I don't know what's become of me actually. The way I go to school and feel nothing, sitting there staring blankly into space, making small talk that means absolutely nothing. Waking up yesterday was tough. I got up, and I thought to myself 'I have a presentation later, and I have to tell the whole class what my passion is'. I freaked out. It's funny how the things you learn in class always relates to something you're struggling with on a daily basis. I had it all figured out last year - the whole 10 year plan thing. And now, everything's not going the way it's supposed to, and it scares me, being uncertain. Yet, oddly, at the same time, it excites me.
I know there are a lot of people who are probably pissed at me for not replying any of there texts or maybe calls (I don't know because I turned off my phone), but I deeply apologize from the bottom of my heart. I really was to a point where I felt like collapsing, due to exhaustion. Partly because of the lack of sleep, staying up all night worrying about things that are in fact, completely unnecessary. Partly because of the amount of food I was taking in, non-stop, just to fill some sort of void, and partly because of emotional exhaustion.
I don't think that I'm better. Well, I know I'm not better. I'm trying to find something, but I don't know what exactly it is, that'll make me the person I used to be.
