Selfishness - it gets the better of us sometimes, doesn't it? It's this trait we all try to shy away from, in fear of being viewed with considerably lesser respect. We commonly associate this ass of a trait with other ass-tastic traits like arrogance and ignorance. And all put together, make a person no one fancies. But as much as we try our best to run away from such traits, we have a little selfishness in all of us, some more than others, some less. And it's how we put it to use, that makes the final call as to how good of a person we are. I'd like to believe that I'm not a selfish person. Oh, but that's what I'D like to believe. How others perceive me, might probably be a completely different, more gruesome story. And so comes the point of this all, and that is, I feel like all my thoughts and everything I'm feeling is slowly being infiltrated by the dirty traits I try so hard to bury deep down in this worrisome soul of mine.
Is it wrong for me to want someone who treats me right? Never once have I been with someone who hasn't hurt me. Maybe that's my fault, I don't know. Or maybe I just have the highest of expectations, complete with a color coded checklist of things I find appealing, and things I could do without. And every time, my expectations get in the way of my relationship, which in turn screw everything up. Superficial as it might be, a part of me hangs onto this carefully crafted checklist with dear life. Afraid that if I let go, I'll never get my happy ending. Maybe that's my problem. Maybe I build such high expectations of who I want my better half to be, that when I meet someone who doesn't surmount to even half of what I want, I feel let down.
But then, is it wrong to want someone so ideal? We are all flawed, yes, but some flaws are tolerable. Others – ignorance, mostly – are flaws I still can't get used to and don't think I could ever get used to. So maybe because of me yearning for something so ideal, I'm instantly associated with being selfish. Maybe. But don't I deserve to be happy? Don't we all? Even if it makes us a little superficial and selfish? Why must we lower our expectations so that we can just settle. Now, who would want to just settle?
