I know religion is a really sensitive issue, but just seeing how it's used in all the 'wrong' ways, well, it sort of disgusts me. Maybe it's because I was never a really religious person. I mean, I had weeks, even months where I felt like 'one with God', but then slowly I start to lose my faith, not really in God, but the whole idea of Her (God can be a girl too you know?) giving you things that only you can give yourself - strength, wisdom, money, etc.
Like, when someone asks God for strength to carry on. I mean, YOU are the one who gives YOURSELF strength no? Or am I getting this all wrong and is it really true that God 'inserts' vast amounts of strength in your body for you to carry on? I thought growing stronger emotionally and mentally, comes with failure and successes right? I mean, failing in something, or succeeding in something, it ultimately gives you the strength you need to move on and to live your life, because failing and succeeding teaches you what to do and what not to do in the future.
Or wisdom for that matter. How does God control what grades you get? Getting an A is done all by yourself through the hours you put into studying and learning something, right? Or am I getting this wrong too. Does it work in such a way that you take a test, then your pray to God, and then God gives you the grade you oh-so-desire? Because for all my life, I thought grades to exams and tests and projects, were based on how much you knew of something after you hit the books and burnt the midnight oil? I thought the teacher was the one who concluded what grades you were to be given?
But then, if we shouldn't pray for strength or for wisdom or money, then what are we supposed to pray for? Health? I thought your health was dependent on the lifestyle you led?
Oh god damn, it feels like all these questions are making me question my faith in God. But then I ask myself, how were we created? I mean I know we evolved from what... monkeys? But then who created those monkeys. Maybe those furry little animals evolved from something else? But then, who created that?
I don't really know what I'm saying. I think spending more than 12 hours today, studying for my exam later on in the day, has made me just think a lot. It's funny how during the exam period, or any time of stress for that matter, I end up in deep thought, or I get sidetracked because my creative juices start acting up, and all I can think about are the amazingly fun things I can do after I finish all my papers.
So, what is my religion? I'm a Hindu. Born and raised, without having the chance to explore what I really wanted to believe in and what practices I really wanted to follow, but aren't we all just born into something? Social class, religion, culture, race, etc. I like Hinduism. I feel like as compared to other religions (again, no offence), Hinduism is more liberal in its views and more towards loving life and all of the elemental features that come with it. It intrigues me.
But personally, I don't see myself in a religion, just for the fact that I don't want to be told by people, or by books on how I should look at God, and how I should pray, and who I should pray to. Let's just say I believe in God. Who it is? That's something I'll never know, and I'm okay with that. All I know is that I believe in a God, and I'm accepting towards all kinds of religions, but I will not be forced to think that God is viewed in a certain way, and I feel like that's what religions do - they make you think God is of one form and one form alone. I think all the Gods in the different religions are just manifestations of one ultimate God.
Okay, so maybe praying for good health and for strength actually works. Maybe God can give you that. Like they say, God works in miraculous ways... I'm not saying I'm totally convinced on the idea of that, but in comparison to the things youngsters my age pray for, it just seems so much more meaningful.. It just appears like people are becoming so dependent on God for everything - I pray that this train will come faster, I pray that I'm not late, I pray that I don't fall asleep while studying, I pray that I have enough focus to carry on..... You know what, it just PISSES THE FUCK OUT OF ME. What happened praying for things that REALLY mattered?
Ah, I don't really know what the point of this post was. I think I contradicted myself in the end (it usually happens when my thoughts are all jumbled up and my emotions are all raging like crazy) but like I said, it's just one of those late night rants, you know?
